Don't Judge
by myloxyloto69
Summary: When Bella left unexpectedly after giving birth, Edward was heartbroken. But he managed to look after his now motherless daughter. What happens when years later he finally sees Bella again? He will have to re-evaluate everything he thought he once knew.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

EPOV

This would be the last time I thought about her – ever. I knew even as I thought it that it would be a near impossible feat. But I had to try for my little girl… and for myself. I would always love her, no matter what she had done, and even though I was now irreversibly bitter and angry, I would put it aside forever. Sometimes I hated her – for making me love her, for never loving me back – and at other times I wished for another chance to hold her, to feel comforted by her mere presence, knowing that she could erase all my fears and frustrations. In other words I was an emotional wreck, and delusional. I was no longer so naïve as to think love can cure all evils but a guy could dream couldn't he?

I heard Claire, my little 2 year old, crying in her cot and made my way upstairs. Entering her room, I looked down at my daughter and felt all the love I was capable of giving go towards her. Claire was one of the reasons she left, but no matter what happened I could never despise my baby girl. She was too precious. If anything, it made my fury towards _her_ grow. Who could leave something so gorgeous? As I picked her up in an attempt to soothe her, she quietened down and whispered softly in my ear, 'I wuv uu dardy'. With that my resolve strengthened, and I vowed I would never let her down. If that meant moving on from _her_ then that's what I would do. I would be the best possible father from here on in. Allowing myself one last thought of my love, seeing her beautiful face in my mind, I let her go. She would always be present in Claire's heartbreaking chocolate eyes, but that couldn't be helped. It was time to move on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, I know that my prologue was really short so I have made myself a promise that I will write at least 2 000 words for each chapter (excluding author's notes). I was a bit stuck on where to start off, so if you are confused about anything let me know. I will make the next paragraph about explaining the history behind the story. You might have guessed, but I sort of decided to loosely base this off of New Moon, with Bella leaving instead. Be sure to tell me what you think. :)**

_**(2 Years Later)**_

EPOV

"Daddy, my finger hurts" Claire whined as she ran inside the house, holding her pinkie up for my inspection. We were over at mum and dads for a family dinner, though as we were obligated to arrive at 1.30pm it was more like a family afternoon. Esme had enlisted my little girls help in the garden before she prepared dinner saying that they 'needed some girl time'. Claire had obviously hurt herself trying to shovel dirt or maybe tripped over a small root. I chuckled slightly – I knew who that reminded me of – but stopped when she stomped her foot petulantly.

"Is not funny!" she pouted, her little brow furrowing in her anger, looking exactly like _Be-. 'Do not. Even. Think it'_, I hissed silently to myself.

"Come here then Beary" I sighed, "Daddy will kiss it better". I used to call her '_Claire_ Bear' when she was around three years old as there wasn't a time when she didn't have the 'Care Bear' book in her hand, begging me with those adorable chocolate eyes to read it to her. I always caved, even when I was busy. It didn't help that she looked so cute dragging around a book almost as big as her in one hand, while she held her giant 'Care Bear' teddy in the other. Since then I'd shortened it to 'Bear' or – most often – 'Beary'.

Propping her up on my lap, I took her tiny hand in mine and kissed each finger before placing a light kiss on the tip of her nose. "Better? I asked. Nodding her head and giggling happily, she stood shakily on my knees and kissed my nose as well.

"Did I help _your_ ouchy Daddy?"

I refrained from telling her that I didn't have an _ouchy_ to begin with, not wanting to ruin her happy mood. Instead I hugged her tightly and whispered softly, "You've already helped my ouchy", thinking naughtily of my Bella before I could stop myself. And it was true. If I didn't have Claire, if Bella had taken Claire with her, then I would have loosened my hold on reality long ago, ceasing to be. Of course now that wasn't a possibility and I was eternally grateful to my Beary, even if she didn't realise it.

She pulled away from the hug and the little frown appeared again. She had caught my tone. It had always been amazing to me how perceptive she was at the tender age of four, how quickly she recognised the subtle shifts in a conversation. Yet another thing she had gotten from… her.

Before I could say or do a thing to make her laugh again, Alice came breezing through the doorway connecting to the kitchen, where she had been waiting for Esme to begin making dinner. The little pixie, the evil little pixie I should say, was my little sis, and she was wearing her signature devilish smirk while simultaneously bouncing with visible excitement. It was a weird combination that I had yet to get used to.

"So big bro" she began and I cringed inwardly, knowing this wasn't going to be good from those three words alone. "What are your plans for tomorrow?"

I wasn't sure what she was getting at, and it was best to be wary around Alice in all circumstances, so I replied simply, "Why?"

"Well, I was just talking to my friend on the phone, you know Kate, and she agreed to go out to dinner tomorrow. With you. Just you." I felt my face flush with anger as she spoke and tried my best to rein in my temper, not wanting Claire to see me upset. Alice ignored my obvious fury, but kept on talking, her voice growing louder and higher and faster, to the point where I could barely hear her.

"This is such a good chance for you Edward. It's time you moved on from Bella _– I flinched as she said her name – _and started to live again. I know, I know, your fine and all" she added before I could protest, "but you don't socialise, except with your family, and to be honest I hardly ever see you smile anymore except around Claire". She gave Claire a sweet smile when she mentioned her name before turning her stern gaze back to me.

"I just think that this would be good for you" she finished, and I almost exploded with anger.

"I know what is and isn't good for me Alice. I don't need a bloody date". I swore, momentarily forgetting that Claire was still sitting on my lap.

"Edward, please just –". I cut her off, no wanting to hear it. She knew that this was out of bounds; I don't know why she felt the need to meddle in every situation. _Oh, I forgot, it's Alice. She can't help it. _I thought sarcastically.

"No Alice", I growled, "Why can't you leave it alone?"

"Because you're my brother and I want to see you happy again", she practically screamed. "I get it, you're pissed off that the love of your life left you. But it's been four fucking years now Edward and you have yet to realise that she is gone. She isn't going to come back!"

I stood up violently, grabbing Claire before she could fall and setting her gently on her feet, before turning back to Alice. "Alice" I said, deathly quiet, "Shut. The fuck. Up!" My voice rose on the last word and she flinched at the aggression present, but she was tough and stood her ground.

"No Edward! You're twenty-two years old and you live like you're already eighty. You need to grow up, if not for yourself, then for your daughter! Doesn't she deserve a mother?"

All the shouting had notified everyone in the house of our_ discussion_ and they all came running to see what the disturbance was about. First was mum, closely followed by dad, however they stayed back, probably to let us sort out our problems first. Then Jasper – Alice's boyfriend – who ran quickly to her side, asking her what was wrong. Rosalie, Emmet's wife, was nowhere to be seen, probably due to the stress of being 7 months pregnant. As Emmet, my twin brother, blundered through the door, screaming at the top of his lungs to 'settle the fuck down' – well that was Emmet for you – I noticed that Claire had moved to sit back on the couch and was curled up in a tight ball, crying softly and begging the air for her mummy. It didn't happen very often, but when it did it broke my heart, knowing that I was the cause. At that, all the anger left my system and I suddenly felt drained. Alice was right, she did deserve a mother, and I was horrible for thinking otherwise.

"Fine Alice" I sighed dejectedly, "I'll go. Text me the details in the morning, and you'll need to come around to babysit Claire for me" I said, picking my baby up carefully and cradling her to my chest, rocking her gently back and forth. I was glad Alice stayed calm. If she broke out into her 'happy dance', as she called it, then I definitely would have done something I knew I would regret. Instead she just nodded and walked away taking out her phone as she went, most likely relaying the news to Kate. Jasper followed her out, throwing anxious glances in my direction. Over the years he had become a brother of sorts to me, and vice versa, and I was probably worrying the shit out of him.

I sighed again as I sat back down on the couch, trying in vain to calm Claire down. "Shh baby, you're okay. Daddy's sorry he yelled". The others hesitated at the doorway before coming to sit around me.

"Are you okay sweetie" Esme asked softly. I looked up at her and there was nothing but compassion in her eyes, and perhaps a bit of pity. I didn't want to see it. I hated it. It made me feel weak.

"Yeah" I muttered, looking away. I could feel the anger begin to rise again, and it was going to turn Claire from a sobbing girl into a hysterical wreck. "I'm going to find Rose".

Everyone just let me go, and I was grateful. They knew I needed the space.

Eventually I found Rose in the spare room she and Emmet used for when they visited the parents. Her belly was huge now and though she was tired and anxious, she still managed to glow, just like _her. _She looked worried for Claire but that was the extent of her emotions went, as far as I could see. It was a relief to be around someone who didn't care about the shit in your life, or try to make you better, but just left you to sort it out for yourself. Well that was Rose.

I gave Claire to her and she started cooing softly to my baby and, after about five minutes, I could finally hear her sobs grow quieter and weaker, and her body stopped shaking so violently. Rose just had this almost natural, motherly instinct, and she always knew what to do, even without firsthand experience. I was almost in awe of her, not that I would ever tell her that.

Claire snuggled against Rose and soon fell asleep in her arms. I looked to her with gratitude in my expression, but for once, it would seem, she was about to give me a piece of her mind. Like I said, it didn't happen very often but when it did, boy was it scary.

"What the hell did you think that you were doing Edward" She whispered vehemently, trying not to wake Claire. Her quiet tone did little to take away from the ferocity of her words. "Were you trying to scare you're little girl, or just doing your best to be a jerk. You're a bloody father, Edward, and Claire comes first now, you should know that. I know you're upset, but it's no excuse! If you don't control yourself and scare this little girl again, lord help me I will kill you personally, and I will enjoy it".

With that said she went back to cuddling Claire and I left the room quietly, shuddering slightly and needing to get away from the house to sort out the shit spinning round my head. I didn't even notice when Esme came up to me at the front door until she put her arms around me.

"I'm so sorry you're hurting right now, but please don't leave. At least wait until you calm down"

"Mum" I begged quietly, needing her to understand, "I can't, I'll be back in the morning, before Claire wakes up. I'm sorry" And I was, I was a complete fuck-up and she deserved a better son than me. If I could get better I would, but although I usually managed to keep my thoughts of Bella at bay, there were days such as today where everything I thought or saw reminded me of her and what I had lost. I didn't know how to get better, and to be honest I was losing hope that I ever could.

She sighed sadly, her pain obvious in her eyes, her pain for me. It just made me feel worse. Somehow, I was singlehandedly responsible for constantly ruining my family's happiness. Today was supposed to fun, it was supposed to be relaxing. Urgghh!

"I'm sorry" I repeated, and she reluctantly let go of me. I turned quickly and walked out the front door, knowing I wouldn't survive if I stayed a second longer in that house, where thoughts of Bella still lingered.

As I strode to the car, all of the arguments today came back to me, and I groaned at the onslaught of words and images that assaulted my mind, stumbling the rest of the way to my car before slipping gratefully into the driver's seat.

'_She isn't going to come back…Doesn't she deserve a mother…Were you trying to scare your little girl, or just doing your best to be a jerk… please don't leave'_

Ahh! It was too much. Too much to take all in one night. Banging my head on the steering wheel, I allowed my thoughts of Bella to take over as I put the car in reverse and began driving down the long driveway. Before I could make it further than twenty metres the suppressed pain that I had been holding back for the sake of my daughter broke the barrier, and descended on me a hundred times stronger than I expected. With every touch I thought of, I was slapped in the face; every stolen kiss I thought of and I was punched in the gut. My body ached all over, like a thousand needles pricking my skin ached for her, my Bella. I stayed there, halfway down the driveway for hours, curled in a ball just as Claire had been earlier, and thinking of her. The first time she told me she loved me, our first kiss, the first time we made love. It all came back in a rush.

It wasn't until night finally descended that Emmet found me. He tried to help me but as soon as I saw the pity and the pain in his eyes I managed to regain control of myself. I was proud. I hadn't cried this time and that thought spurred me on. Perhaps I was finally getting better.

Deep down I knew it wasn't true, but I wasn't ready to confront those feelings at the moment, so instead I told Emmet to go back inside, and drove away from the house. I drove away from the fear that reminded me I could never be better than what I was now. A wreck and a disappointment. I drove, and it was only the thought of my little girl, asking for me when she woke from her slumber, that gave me any incentive to stop.


End file.
